She took the leap and built her wings on the way down.

So we just signed off on our home study to become licensed foster parents. 6 months, 27 hours of classroom "training", 5 home studies and 1 million forms later - there is now a less than 25 page document that is the attempting to highlight the journey of our lives, our beliefs, our character and a general summation of our lives, including what other people think about our ability to care for another family's child while they go through what is likely the worst stage of their life. And I couldn't feel more under-prepared or naive about what we are about to embark upon. Through the power of grace, somewhere between the fearful and incessant  blabber raging in my mind and my ever steady soul, there continues to be at peace in the intuitive sense that this is the path for our family. 

So, as a way of self-prescribed therapy and communication with those who find our journey to hold value, I will begin this blog. I have NO IDEA what the next few days and weeks hold for us. So I will start with what I do know - today. 

1.  In our county there are way more children in need of care then there are families willing to help. Fostering certainly feels like signing up for heartbreak on a lethal level. I mean this are kids we are talking about that have experienced trauma. But somehow, having never fostered a day in our life, we feel that there is a depth of compassion in our souls that we can access which will allow us to form a bridge to do whatever we have to do to KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER if there is any hope at all. Any. 

2.  I know that this is going to be a huge adjustment for our kids - K who is 3.5 and G who is 5. But we also believe they are closer to a state of purity and flexibility than we are. We feel very bonded to our kids and believe they have healthy bonds with us. We believe we can support them through this adjustment and know they will be of tremendous support to us, too. They will remain our number 1 priority but it won't come without some significant adjustments for us all.

3.  FYI - Confidentiality for foster kids is paramount. We cannot post their photo, use their names or tell the specifics regarding their history, especially as it relates to abuse/neglect and the reason(s) that landed them in this situation. Don't ask. Don't tell. And also don't assume. 

4.  We are doe-eyed parents with huge hearts, fiercely loyal souls and not a clue in the world what real trauma is like. We subscribe to a deeply spiritual belief system that requires us to take our intuition as the Supreme Being and allow it to guide, teach, communicate and lead us. 

5.  We are not doing this only to adopt. We are doing this to help families heal. We believe people deserve second chances. Breaking up a family is not our goal. Supporting families, grabbing hold of wounded children and loving them like crazy and showing respect to their bio-family is our goal. We know the odds are about 50:50 that it will work but we believe in the 50% either way. Do we want to adopt at some point, you bet!

So for now, we wait. We wait for the call and are feeling good that we are going to be able to start helping. Whatever that looks like.